Girls are hot wearing less than bikinis.

But anyway.

Last night was crazy.

Before I get to that though, let me tell you about the food.

For lunch, I ate sloppy joes and a place ironically called, Sloppy Joes.

I haven’t had one of those in forever, and it tasted just like i remember.

Then, I went to work out.

That lasted about 35 seconds and after I realized that my thighs were burning, I had to stop and sit in the corner.

Finally, I went and changed and got ready for my last night out.

30,000 square feet of hookah is pretty damn cool.

Off the Hookah (yes that is the name of the place) was awesome.

Chicks dancing, smoking, eating and drinking was all I needed to see.

There was even a bed there, and I was able to grab a few of the drunk girls to film my own version of “Girls gone Wild”

I was gonna call it, “Girls Gone fat” but I realized that probably was not a good name for it.

Anyway, after that we went to a place called, “Jet Set.” where I watched Stacey Steele give this smoking hot blonde a pole dancing lesson.

(yes I know my life is a hard one)

Did I get to interview that blonde?

Maybe.

Did she try and make out with me?

Maybe.

Do I have it all on video?

You bet!

After that, it was off to the Floridian, where I had a bagel, lox, and capers.

If I may digress for a minute, I have no idea what caper is.

It’s like a salty pea.

I think.

If anyone knows, please let me know.

I am curious.

Anyway, after late night breakfast, we took the top down and drove down A1A back towards Stacey’s place.

The couch was not comfortable.

It was like a board stuck in my back.

But, whatever.

I only slept for 2 hours, then I had to go back to the gym to watch Stacey give a Strip Cardio class.

(I told you my life was hard)

Breakfast was a bagel dog at Einstein’s.

Now, it’s time to pack and get ready to go back to the left coast.

I have a quick stop over in Charlotte.

Maybe I’ll get to watch a Duke lacrosse game and then go to an after party?

Umm….That’s probable not the best idea.

Back to Cali!

Today was nothing short of crazy.

Woke up and went to breakfast with Stacey Steele.

Breakfast consisted of a Cesar salad and penne pomodoro.

The only problem was that apparently in Florida penne means zitti.

Not that I don’t like that noodle.

I have nothing against zitti.

I actually like it when it’s baked with cheese and sauce.

However, today I wanted penne and was kind of excited to eat some.

But, they messed up.

I didn’t say anything and ate it…I had bigger things to do.

Next, I shot a video with Stacey Steele where I ended up getting arrested.

I can’t tell you much more till you see it, but don’t worry, Fat Jewish Guy still is clean.

Maybe it was staged?

Maybe it wasn’t, but you can judge for yourself when you see it.

Then I took another Duck tour.

Did you know that the term “Real McCoy” has to do with prohibition?

I didn’t either.

Then I saw grandma.

Well, after she was 30 minutes late I got to see her.

Watching 3 older Jewish people trying to work a GPS machine is comedy in itself.

But, it was great to see her.

Dinner was good and when I said goodbye it was bittersweet.

Passover.

Hopefully I’ll make it home to see her.

After that it was time to go clubbing.

Fat Jewish Guy doesn’t pay to go anywhere.

So, Stacey Steele, got me in to the hottest club around.

The Voodoo Lounge.

Which by the way is owned by Dennis Rodman.,

He wasn’t there, but maybe, just maybe I’ll get to interview him tomorrow.

Any way the club was hot and they were actually shooting an “adult” movie for InTheVip.com.

It was hot.

Finally, hanging in the VIP till 4 am with some cool cats was awesome as well.

Dancing, hanging and being seen.

What a night.

Did I forget to mention the eclipse?

Florida Rocks.

Gym in 3 hours.

I’m a trooper though.

A hungry trooper.

Stacey Steele Loves Fat Jewish Guy Who Loves food

Florida is awesome.

I get off the plane and get attacked by Stacey Steele.

She picks me up in what she affectionately calls the Steele Mobile.

It’s kind of like the Scooby Doo van, but not really.

Actually not at all.

But it was green.

You get the point.

Then off to the gym with a quick stop for a bagel.

Then a duck tour with a quick stop for ice cream.

Then the gym again with a quick stop for pizza.

Then the hotel with a quick stop for fish and chips.

Then back to her place with a quick stop at 7-11 for ramen noodles.

Got some great video.

More to come.

For now enjoy Stacey Steele in an APB Clothing shirt.

I know I am.

I Don’t Understand Lost

I know that it’s kind of morbid thinking about the sow Lost as I am about to board a plane.

However, I have no freaking clue what that show is about.

None.

I have a college degree.

I am a teacher.

I have grad school experience.

I DON’T GET THE STUPID SHOW..

Argggggggg.

OK.

Time to go to Florida.

I bought new pretzels.

I bought Ju Ju Bees.

I couldn’t buy soda, because they would take it away.

Damn it.

Stacey Steele.

I am coming sans liquid.

Stacey Steele Get Ready For The Fat Jewish Guy

That’s right.

My bags are packed and i am ready to come.

Wait.

Who am I kidding.

My bags aren’t even close to being packed, I will be doing that 10 minutes before I leave for the airport.

To show how pathetic I am, I went to the market and bought food for the plane and already managed to eat half of it.

I didn’t touch the Swedish fish though.

Just the pretzels.

Florida baby.

Spring Break.

Are you ready for the Fat Jewish Guy?

Obama Shirts Are Big Business So Is Jewish Porn

Basically, I figured out today that Barack Obama or any political shirts are big business.

Why?

Because there is no copyright protection to a politician under the law.

I could be wrong.

Fat Jewish Guy is not a lawyer.

He is a Fat Jewish Guy, who likes to eat.

But, I wish I would have thought of such websites as Obama Project.

They have some nice shirts, but they bill themselves as “Urban Style Barack Obama Shirts for the Now Generation.”

I have no idea what that means.

None.

I do know however, that I am excited for Florida and my meeting with Stacey Steele.

I also, know that I am in touch with a Jewish Porn Star to go to one of her shoots in the next two weeks.

I know as well, that I ate way too much today.

Let’s recap.

Quiche, 2 hot dogs, grapefruit, peanuts, 1/2 pound salami, rye bread, turkey drumstick, stuffing, onions, cranberry sauce, asparagus, macaroons, cookies.

I did however not eat the gray, so I saved a few calories.

Trying to watch my figure.

I hope it’s nice weather in Florida.

Maybe I will wear an Obama shirt?

Do they have a xxl?

Stacey Steele Does Not Send Valentines Cards

What’s the deal?

I waited.

Waited.

Waited some more.

But nothing.

Stacey Steele did not send me anything for Valentines Day.

Finally she called around 5 pm.

Sorry she said.

I’ll make up for it in Florida.

Whatever Stacey.

I am a man.

I am sensitive.

As Justice Scalia said yesterday in an interview, “I have feelings.”

Oh well.

It rained anyway today.

Traffic was at a standstill.

I had plenty of time to think about things.

Like….

If the feds prosecute Roger Clemens for perjury and he is found not guilty, does hat mean that the other guy was lying?

If Britney Spears’ dad wants to spend all her cash on the worlds biggest gum ball can he do that?

If Bush pardons Clemens before he is indited is that called throwing a game?

Why was there another college shooting today?

Why did McDonalds take away super sized meals?

The last one really bothered me.

So, I ate my Valentines day chocolate and pouted.

Yummy.

Stacey Steele Under a Bus.

No, it’s not the name of my new porn video.
(one can only wish though)

It’s what I would never do to my future x-wife.

Let me explain.

Roger Clemens went in front of congress today.

What was his response to the accusations?

Why of course….”I didn’t do it, but my wife did.”

Huh?

Wait, your wife who looks kind of hot and small I might add is injecting herself with HGH?

Why?

Did she need to heal from a bad vacuuming injury?

Wait, you are rich, she doesn’t do that.

Did she hurt herself cooking?

No, you are rich she doesn’t do that.

There are only two explanations for why she needed to heal real quick.

1) You beat her.

2) You have a large penis.

Well Stacey Steele.

Let me assure you that I have neither one of those problems.

As for Roger?

Who knows.

I do have a big belly though and that is not getting any better.

I love McDonalds as I had a Fillet of Fish today, but I did give up my liquid candy concoction and switched back to decaf.

I even used low sugar sweetener.

I have never used HGH.

I can swear under oath to that.

But HSH I would definitely use.

Obama Girl Amber Lee Ettinger Loves Fat Jewish Guy

Remember Amber?

We know her as the hot sexy superhero Obama girl.

I know her as the object of my fantasies.

(Sorry Stacey Steele…3 way..?)

Any way, it has come to my attention that she is selling a book.

So, not to miss out on an opportunity, I told her I would help her sell a few.

Here is the deal.

For each one you buy, I get to talk to her on the phone for 20 seconds.

Just enough time for me to tell her I love her.

So, buy a book.

Help me out.

” New 2008 release entitled Signature Prints, Jet Set Glamour of the 60s & 70s by Roseann Ettinger. Published by Schiffer Publishing Ltd, the book contains 192 pages filled with wonderful signature print garments and period jewelry of the 60s and 70s worn by jet setters. This book is the first serious record of those textiles that swept the fashion world and inspired copy-cat items for reads-to-wear customers. Over 350 gorgeous color photographs display “signature prints” by Emilio Pucci, Leonard of Paris, Averardo Bessi, Lilly Pulitzer, Mr. Dino, Paganne, Aremis, Eduardo, Vera, Maurice, Shaheen and others. Jewelry by Mimi d’ N, Miriam Haskell, Paco Rabanne, Bellini, Boucher, Ciner, Panetta, Kenneth J. Lane, Lucien Piccard, Schreiner and more is featured. Shoes by Dior, Gucci, Charles Jourdan, Daniel Green are also seem among others. The clothing is modeled by the author’s daughter, Amber Lee Ettinger, who is a professional model based in New York City. Some of you may know Amber Lee Ettinger as “Obama Girl“! The author’s three other children, Clint, Lexie and Sabrina, are also models in the book. The book will inspire and delight. It is a feast for the eyes. Wonderful research tool for jet set fashions and jewelry. The book can be autographed upon request. Buyer pays shipping and handling. Insurance is optional. ” (from Amber’s MySpace Page)
Buy Her Book!

The Millionaire Matchmaker
That was on TV tonight, but before I get to that, I need to talk about the ridiculous thing that happened to day.

My Car Eats Filet Mignon

It may seem like a t-shirt slogan, but it is actually from my life.

I needed gas, so I stopped at a Chevron Station.

Chevron with Techron.

Techron must me made of gold because the gas was 3.50 a gallon.

I needed it though, so I asked the guy as I put 12 dollars in my Honda how he can charge that much for gas.

He told me that as a brand name, he has to charge more.

Then he used the quote, “look, some people eat chicken and some people eat Filet Mignon.”

I swear, he said that.

Then he pointed to a 1970 Chevrolet and told me that the car has 300,000 miles on it only because he has never used anything but Chevron gas.

This guy is delusional.

My Honda has 180,000 miles on it and has been subsiding on nothing but chicken, with Filet Mignon thrown in once in a while for fun.

I love that even at the gas station, I am stuck in food analogies.

But whatever.

I need to save my money for Stacey Steele.

Not that she is expensive or a gold digger.

If she was, she wouldn’t be interested in Fat Jewish Guy.

Maybe it’s because I have providership?

That’s what Patti Stanger The Millionaire Matchmaker says about me.

Hmmm..

Stacey Steele, staying at home watching our babies while I am at work slaying the dragons.

Sounds good.

Tomorrow - Roger Clemens Goes To Congress