Cute Jewish Kids Sing The Aleph Bet

Wow.

I must really like my students.

After a long day of sitting on a computer, eating and then more work, I stayed up and edited this for them.

It was worth it.

Shorty and I had date night tonight.

What does that mean?

Well, they always say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

And it is.

We went out to my favorite Mexican place so that we could sit outside and people watch.

We got there and I struck gold.

It was taco Thursday.

That means tacos for 2 dollars.

Woo Hoo.

So we order and start to eat.

Then we realize that it’s cold.

The heaters aren’t working as well.

So we get up and start to walk.

But they candy store was closed.

That meant no licorice pipe for me.

So, we ended up at target, buying shorts, jelly beans (75% off since they were for Easter) and looking at doggie clothes.

Then home.

Congrats to the winner of the Celebrity Apprentice.

I can’t spell his name but I know it’s Pierce.

Anyway here are my students.

Cute as hell.

Also off key.

Enjoy.

But I’m not.

Why?

Because Shorty loves me.

I would have killed me.

Heres what happened.

I hired an electrician to hard wire our internet connection.

Ok, I didn’t exactly hire him.

He’s my friend.

So he comes over with a ladder, plates, sticks, drills, wire and more.

Lets just say that we now have a hard wired apartment.

Let’s also just say that Shorty has a few holes in the wall.

She also made dinner tonight.

No rice!!!

But the chicken and potatoes were amazing.

By the way…

Did I tell you I met a senator?

Video up tomorrow.

Fresh Easy Cheap

So, Shorty called me today.

She was very excited.

I had news also, but I listened to her.

Good thing I did, because she found a new market and was talking a mile a minute.

Fresh and Easy.

Apparently it’s a new concept in selling food.

Everything there is fresh.

Also, apparently it’s easy to get to as well.

Here is how it works.

They put a piece of meat, fish or cheese out.

The price is put on the package.

2 days before the sell by date they mark it down 30%.

On the sell by date they mark it down 50%.

So, I get home and there is a really nice looking New York strip steak.

I look at the price and was in shock.

It was 1.99.

Shorty fell for the marketing at the market and bought me bad meat.

She will never admit it.

Sure, she tried to justify it by saying we bought meat at the market last week and kept it in the fridge for 4 days.

But, there is something wrong with meat being 1.99.

As I ate the steak and hoped to g-d I wouldn’t get e-coli, I thought about the irony.

I was eating a New York strip and just booked a ticket to New York.

Yup, I’m going to the big apple.

Next week.

I am so happy, that I made myself a tuna melt.

Used provolone cheese.

It tasted so good.

Until I realized that it cost 48 cents.

Fresh and easy will either kill me or save me a lot of money.

Also, check out this new video by the Swift Kids.

Funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.

Fat Jewish Guy approves.

The Millionaire Matchmaker My New Heroin.

I can’t get enough.

This show is addicting.

If you haven’t seen it do it now.

It’s on Bravo.

I came home from a very long day.

Shorty had chicken ready.

I was about to wolf it down and work on Hot Jewish Girls, but I couldn’t get up.

In the movie Train Spotting, they talked about how the high of Heroin is like 100 times your best orgasm.

Well a combination of American Idol and The Millionaire Matchmaker is 1000 times better then that.

(sorry Shorty, it’s true)

But if I back up a bit to waking up.

I was hungry.

So, I made fettuccine al fredo.

Yup.

That was breakfast.

Lunch was tasty also.

Fillet o Fish at McDonald’s.

Did you know they have Wi Fi there?

Now I do.

Now my Tuesday’s are complete.

Teaching, McDonald’s, Shorty, Hot Jewish Girls, American Idol and The Millionaire Matchmaker.

If there is a rehab for pop culture junkie I would need it.

Stat.

Wow.

It is 5 am and I am still up.

Who knew that eating and computers would be a full time job.

Tonight I was working on APB Clothing.

I know I know.

I was supposed to be looking at Hot Jewish Girls, but believe me I did that already enough.

So, since it was the sabbath, I indulged in some chicken.

Shorty made some again.

Garlic, veggies, potatoes and believe it or not celery.

Check this out.

She lifted the skin on the chicken and inserted pealed garlic cloves in between the meat and the skin.

How amazing?

I also ate a whole pizza and two hot dogs.

Yeah, I know.

But what can I do I was hungry?

The look on the guys face from 7-11 when I ordered a dog at 8 am was priceless.

Well, I need some rest.

Tomorrow is a big day.

Football and food.

Fun!

How does one get gum out of a carpet?

I need to know pretty badly.

My 5 dollar a day gum habit has now grown into a 7 dollar a day one.

I am addicted.

Help.

It’s so bad, that when Shorty asked me if I wanted to go back to Palm Springs, I said no.

Why?

It’s simple.

I pictured myself sitting on the patio, in the sunshine smoking.

I don’t think in actuality I smoked that much.

But I miss it.

Had to reach for more gum.

Spit mine out accidentally.

Now the carpet is ruined.

I need a San Diego Carpet Cleaner.

Now.

Because in addition to gum, there may be some diet coke on the rug as well.

It is also possible that I dropped some melted cheese and pita.

Probable as well that my Mesquite Flavored Kettle Cooked Chips may be crumbled in the fibers.

What is definitely not there is the amazing butter croissant I had this morning.

That is just all over my car.

Damn.

Now I need an upholstery cleaner as well.

It’s been 3 1/2 days people.

No smoking.

Go me.

Go Chargers.

Not really, I am an Eagles fan.

Always next year.

If only I could be injected with an anti smoking steroid.

I would also take it in the belly button.

Or, maybe in the butt.

Still not sure.

All I know is that I am going crazy.

But, it is almost over.

It’s been two and a half days and while I am driving Shorty crazy, we both know it’s for the best.

I even ate a little less today.

I mean, I had chicken.

Rice.

Veggies.

(I believe they call that stir fry)

Some pop corn.

2 pitas.

Peanut butter.

Cheese.

Drank A LOT of coffee, water and seltzer.

Maybe like 4 Dum Dum lollipops.

However, as bleak as this may sound.

I did get to spend the day looking at Hot Jewish Girls all day.

Shorty even helped.

PS I am available to testify before congress.

I have nothing to hide.

Except the fact that now I have a 5 dollar a day gum habit.

There is no Satan or Lucifer in this story.

The closest you will get is the maître d at Pacifica seafood.

This guy has balls.

But, I’ll get to that soon.

Waking up in 2008 was no different then waking up in 2007.

I can attest to that.

However, I did wake up in Palm Springs, so maybe it was a step up from last year when I woke up in fabulous City Heights.

Smarty were gone getting Hot Stone Massages, and Shorty was getting ready for the big USC game.

I could have cared less about the game, except that it meant I got to eat.

Once again there was a spread of food.

Pigs in blankets, mini pizzas, chips and salsa all adorned the festive yellow and red table.

USC won.

Who cares?

I mean, “Fight On!”

Then, we got all dressed up and went to Pacifica Seafood.

For those of you who aren’t bi-lingual, Pacifica means Pacific.

We get there and the maître d brings us to a booth, tells us we can’t sit down and leaves.

10 minutes later, we realize that we needed to sit down and had to settle for a table in the middle of the place.

It was a race against the clock.

A 6pm the special disappeared.

Kind of like in Cinderella, but instead of turning into a pumpkin, my sugar spiced salmon, cesar salad and veggies, magically would have turned into 50 dollars.

We made it.

The food was good, but the waiter was a jerk.

Lucifer.

Well, not as bad and if he was indeed Lucifer maybe my coffee would have been hot.

It wasn’t.

We went back to the condo and cleaned up.

As I was supposed to reconnect the cable in the back, I saw what stopped my heart for just a minute.

A Black Widow Spider.

It can only be described as fear.

I screamed.

Shorty ran into the garage to see what horrible thing had happened to me.

I was sitting in the corner rocking in the fetal position.

Well, maybe not that bad, but trust me it was close to it.

Armed with a 2×4 and a broom, I defeated the monster.

As we drove away from Palm Springs heading West, I looked back at the lights and realized that maybe one day, I will be back.

“They looking back, all th’ Eastern side beheld
Of Paradise, so late thir happie seat,
Wav’d over by that flaming Brand, the Gate
With dreadful Faces throng’d and fierie Armes:
Som natural tears they drop’d, but wip’d them soon;
The World was all before them, where to choose
Thir place of rest, and Providence thir guide:
They hand in hand with wandring steps and slow,
[1540]
Through Eden took thir solitarie way.”

I have no idea what this means, but it definitely added some drama.

Don’t you think?

Let me tell you that Monopoly with debit cards is Bull Sh*t.

First of all, you can’t get free parking since there is nothing in the middle to take.

Second, instead of Boardwalk and Park Place there is Times Square and Fenway Park.

Fenway Park?

Are the Parker Brothers high?

Like really.

And rent on Fenway with hotels is 15 million dollars.

I am not kidding.

So, we are teaching little kids that money doesn’t matter, that you can’t buy a building for less then a million dollars, and that in life there is no free parking.

Hmmm.

Maybe there is something to this Monopoly thing.

The worse part is that in the old days, if you cheated you didn’t really hurt anyone else.

Maybe you skimmed a few hundred off the bank.

But now….

You have major wire fraud happening.

Since you get 2 million for passing GO, the banker can easily skim a 100,000 every spin or so.

I will be looking into this.

New Year’s Eve was awesome.