Ruth’s Chris On A Budget

Blood sugar 130.

Went to the doctor this morning at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am.

I thought I got lucky, first appointment, in and out.

Nope.

When 8:15 rolled around and still no doctor I was ready to bolt.

Screw my diabetes, there are other doctors and I wanted my money back.

The idiot came in and then immediately answered his cell phone and left again for 15 minutes.

Hey doc, guess what?

I pay you.

You are wasting my time.

All he did was tell me I have diabetes and referred me to a diabetes specialist.

Ummm.

Am I missing something?

Let’s say that your toilet breaks.

You call a plumber.

He tells you you have a broken toilet and fixes it for you, but then he says you need someone who deals just in porcelain.

So, you make the appointment, wait for the guy and after you pay him, he tells you that, “yes, your toilet is definitely broken, but you really need do see a toilet specialist.”

What was he?

A medical middleman?

Whatever, later on Shorty and I went to dinner.

After working all week, we needed to sit down and eat together with no phones and just us.

Cheesecake Factory had a two hour wait, so we went to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.

It wasn’t planned and we definitely weren’t trying to penny pinch, but the phentermine killed the appetite a bit so we weren’t that hungry.

(Shorty didn’t know I had a steak for lunch….. shhhhhh)

Anyway here is what we had.

2 salads, split a rib eye, broccoli, potatoes, coffee and a dessert.

The meal came to 90 bucks.

Three courses, great food, amazing company.

Ruth’s Chris on a budget.

You can do it too!

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Boot Camp For Your Mind.

I definitely need a break.

It was raining in San Diego today.

Strange because it’s summer.

Weirder because I normally love the rain.

Well, only when it’s cold and miserable outside.

But, it was hot and wet today and that made me feel like I was crawling through the Delta trying to find Saddam.

Or something like that.

I thought about the past week.

SpikeTV awards, Playboy Mansion, Obama’s Chocolate Nuts, Assaf Cohen, Spider Silva, Courtney Hansen and the NY strip steak I left in the microwave.

Damn.

I tried to defrost it and accidentally hit 2.5 pounds.

Now I have prime rib, only using crappy New York Strip.

Oh well.

Back to me.

I’m just tired.

True, phentermine is great and all, but it would be nice to sleep for more then 6 hours.

As I pondered life while eating a watermelon, (A mini one, Shorty got it for me) I think to the future.

Doctors appointment on Friday.

High Blood Sugar, Blood Pressure and Cholesterol is gonna make for a GREAT weekend of fun.

So, while I still have my health, I’m gonna enjoy some fried chicken for dinner.

YUM!

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So, I wake up, still tired from the night before, but after a quick phentermine pick me up I was good to go.

Apparently gas prices are so high, that Hot Model Kira called me and asked if we could shoot today so she wouldn’t have to waste gas on another trip.

Personally, I took offense to this.

I don’t think being in an Obama’s Chocolate Nuts Video would be considered a waste of anything.

Anyway, so Kira comes over and we shoot for four hours.

I can’t tell you what just yet, but it’s definitely sexy, funny, hot and involves food.

Anyway, she left and I got tired again.

Decided against taking another shot of speed and just let my body fall into a deep sleep.

Yeah right.

An hour later I was at P.F. Chang’s with shorty splitting an order of Chicken and Beef Fried Rice.

I love phentermine.

Check out this interview with UFC fighter and SpikeTV’s “Worlds Most Dangerous Man,” Anderson Spider Silva.

Chantix Will Make You Crazy Final Day

I write final day, because I don’t know how much longer of this I can take.

I just wanted to quit smoking and somehow I lost a week of my life.

Breakfast started out promising.

Two hamburgers and a tomato.

I thought the phentermine kicked in and I went out to run some errands.

By 3pm I was exsusted.

Still not hungry, but tired.

Way to tired for someone on speed.

So, I half assed it through Hebrew School.

It was my last day and all the kids failed but 2.

Then I somehow made it home and fell into a deep sleep.

Shorty woke me up to tell me teh drug store was closing, so I rushed to pick up my medicine.

Guess what?

There are two drug stores and I sent the prescription to the wrong place.

So, I went out for sushi.

If this lasts one more day I’m gonna kill myself.

By the way, a message to Barack Obama.

Do not mix up your concentration camps.

Probably not the best way to get the Jewish vote.

Just a piece of advice.

Chantix Will Make You Go Crazy

After almost killing Shorty, almost punching a whole in a glass window, almost throwing my computer through a wall, and eating more then I ever did before in my life, I started to wonder about this whole phentermine thing.

So, I looked online and then it hit me.

It’s not the speed thats making me crazy.

It’s the Chantix.

Yup, the miracle drug that’s supposed to make me quit smoking is driving me insane.

So, I called the doctor and will be going off it tomorrow.

As I poked around a bit more I found a great website called Topix.

I think I’ll just stick to speed.

Finally, I was moving on to the full pill of Phentermine.

The doctor had told me to start with half and when I am sure that I don’t have palpitations to move up to the full pill.

So, I woke up, ate a few slices of watermelon and downed the dose.

WOW.

This is how good this drug is.

There was a special breakfast at Hebrew school.

Bagels, cake, cookies, pastries, fruit salads, granolla and more.

I had ONE bagel.

Then at school they had falafel and hummus and pita.

I had ONE falafel ball.

Then I went to an all you can eat Mexican buffet for lunch.

I had HALF a salad.

After school, I went home to take a nap.

Yeah right.

An hour later I was back up doing things.

Finally, dinner was ONE chicken breast on top of salad.

Now it’s time to sleep.

Could be worse though.

I could have freaked out like this chick. (remix)

It’s 1:20 in the morning and I am up.

Normally, that is not something weird, I’m always up at this time of the night.

So, what’s the problem?

See, the issue is that I haven’t eaten all day.

True, I had pasta and a 7-11 hot dog, but that was before.

Before the doctor.

First of all let me just say that CIGNA is the devil.

So, I went to the doctor and got examined.

I have a cyst on my belly.

Blood pressure is a little high (130 over 90)

Cholesterol and Blood sugar are at the lab.

But, back to why I haven’t eaten.

Phentermine.

Yup, the non lethal half of Phen / Fen and basically legal speed.

I took half a pill and an hour later was drinking my first liter of water.

Soon after I was guzzling liquid and grinding my teeth.

Then I didn’t want to eat.

I had half a salad for dinner and a tuna roll.

Later that night I went out for frozen yogurt.

I had a small and threw it out after 3 spoon fulls.

Wasn’t in the mood.

So, day one is over.

Tomorrow I go up to one whole pill.

Could this be it for food?

I hope not.