Mango Slice

Well, my Shaq Rap Kobe Tell Them How My Ass Tastes Video Spoof was a success.

Seen over 5,000 times in just one day, and picked up by a few major sports blogs made me happy.

What didn’t make me as happy, was the fact that my blood sugar was 130.

Now, in reality it is not that bad, but since I was on a two day down swing, I was hoping it would stay down.

Mango Slice.

Not sure why that popped into my head, but I really really want one.

Unfortunately with diabetes, a mango slice is like a kiss of death.

I can eat apples, strawberries, oranges (with nuts), but surprisingly no grapefruits.

And of course, no Mango Slice.

So frustrating.

Because I want it, but can’t have it.

Like tonight, I went to the Comedy Store because I was supposed to go on.

When I got there, I met up with Vicki Barbolak who had arranged the whole thing.

We talked in the green room as she did her hair and nails, unfortunately as I was outside talking with Guam Felix, Comedian Joe Charles and a few others, I got the bad news.

There were too many people on the show and I couldn’t go on.

Vicki was a saint and tried to ask if I could split her time with her, but they said no.

It’s ok.

Just like the mango slice, sometimes you want something and you can’t have it.

Now, when I want something sweet, I just eat something else, or I just watch something sweet.

Instead of going on stage tonight, I made a video.

It’s both sweet, sexy and more people have seen it then I would have performed for onstage.

Mango Slice.

Mango Slice on Break

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Mango Slice on YouTube

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I was thinking today as I was sick as a dog what Guam Felix said to me last night.

Now I know this is gonna sound stupid.

But, Guam swears it’s true.

This is his theory.

We all have cancer.

Yup, Dr. Guam Felix says that we are all born with cancer, just our bodies fight it.

He swears that what happens is that as we grow old, our bodies just give up and the cancer spreads.

This might be the dumbest and funniest thing I ever heard.

But, I love him to death and if he happens to be right, then I apologize.

In the meantime, I’m gonna go to sleep.

Shorty is yelling.

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Regardless.

I was kind of sick today.

My throat was killing me and I had a fever.

So after sleeping late, I headed off to Hebrew School.

I know I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed, but I didn’t want to stick them with a sub.

Anyway afterwards, I came home, changed and went to a BBQ.

Healthy right?

It wasn’t just any BBQ though.

My old friends Guam Felix and Joe Charles were there.

We BBQ’ed rib eyes, made string beans and then had three pieces of cake for dessert.

(you didn’t really think that I was turning vegan did you? — APRIL FOOLS)

After that we watched a movie.

Something with Will Smith and him being the last person on earth.

Oh yeah, he fights zombies.

It was alright, but the real fun was sitting with two other great comics and clowning on teh whoel movie.

I can’t repeat what was said.

But, let me tell you that I am still laughing about it.

Now I am home, took some medicine and hopefully will feel better.

Shorty comes home tomorrow.

check out my pics from the BBQ

http://i0006.photobucket.com/albums/album_02832/

Yeah…..

It was my birthday.

I woke up to fresh Dunkin Donuts coffee and dark chocolate.

No brisket today.

There was a party to be had.

A nice 40 minute drive north and I was working on 3 computers at once.

I love doing it, but the treat was when lunch was served.

Chicken taquitos, chicken nuggets and apple slices.

The apples threw me off, but believe me they were a nice touch.

After lunch, I returned to fixing.

About an hour later I was handed a milkshake made of Butterfinger ice cream.

Can you say it’s going to be a great year?

So I finish and drive South.

There was a party and I was the guest of honor.

The guest list was a little eclectic, being that there were religious Jews, Mormons and comedians attending.

The religious Jews were going to bring their own grill and somehow this was all going to work out.

Well, people started arriving and the first round of food was served.

My phone rang and it was the Jews.

I met them outside to help them carry in the grill, when I was greeted by a bucket, charcoal and chicken wire.

No, this isn’t a set up to a joke.

This was their grill.

So, I take it upstairs and decide that it probably is not a good idea to set this mettle bucket on a wooden balcony.

“I know!”

“I will put it on carpet,” I thought to myself.

I mean come on.

Carpet as we all know isn’t flammable right?

So, as i made the kabobs and chicken.

As we ate salad, potatoes, chips, salsa and veggies, we all dint notice the smoke.

I mean it was a BBQ right?

Wrong.

How in the hell did I manage to set a balcony on fire?

Not once but twice?

How did Steph not cancel the party and tell us all to get the hell out?

These are mysteries we can all ponder.

But in the end it was great.

I spend my birthday just as I wanted to.

With friends.

It was amazing and if I am lucky enough to spend every birthday with these great people I will be honored.

Then came the cake.

Then came the brownies.

Then came the macaroons.

And when they finally came for me…there was no one left.

Thanks to: Steph, Hanina, Emanuel, Jessica, Jessica, Tim, Old Roy, Mike, Guam, Brad, Ella, Avrum, Mike, Joe, Vicki & Lou for making this a great night!

As I sit here writing this, I have a girl stroking my knee.

It feels so good.

I had such a long day today.

So much has happened, but I can’t tell you about it till tomorrow.

Either way, today was productive.

We did a 2 1/2 hour radio show.

Guam Felix and Roy Mitchel were amazing.

It was a good food day as well.

Rice, beans, tacos, soda & rice crispy treats.

Damn I am full.

Damn my tooth still hurts.

I have a few big days in front of me, but who cares.

Carpe Diem.

That’s Spanish for double meat animal style.

Damn now I want one.

With xtra raw onions.

No fries and a coke.

I wonder if they are still open.

Till later.

Wait I forgot the bag of Doritos.

I thought today was going to be awkward.

I figured that walking into Hebrew School was not going to be fun as I was looking over my shoulder waiting for my insane stalker to pop out of the bushes and start something.

But none of that happened.

I spoke to the rabbi and everything is fine.

Tomorrow I have to deal with some stuff, but I am not going to worry about it today.

I mean what can be better then thinking you are going home from work and then getting a call saying that your friend has 2 free Charger tickets.

So there I was, me and Guam Felix on the 6th row behind the end zone.

It was awesome.

The game was great and we left with a few minutes left to beat the traffic.

While I didn’t eat anything at the game, I had an In N Out burger on the way.

So good.

So cheap.

In a few hours I am going to perform.

I cannot wait.