Finally, I was moving on to the full pill of Phentermine.

The doctor had told me to start with half and when I am sure that I don’t have palpitations to move up to the full pill.

So, I woke up, ate a few slices of watermelon and downed the dose.

WOW.

This is how good this drug is.

There was a special breakfast at Hebrew school.

Bagels, cake, cookies, pastries, fruit salads, granolla and more.

I had ONE bagel.

Then at school they had falafel and hummus and pita.

I had ONE falafel ball.

Then I went to an all you can eat Mexican buffet for lunch.

I had HALF a salad.

After school, I went home to take a nap.

Yeah right.

An hour later I was back up doing things.

Finally, dinner was ONE chicken breast on top of salad.

Now it’s time to sleep.

Could be worse though.

I could have freaked out like this chick. (remix)

This is crazy.

Check this out.

I have been awake for 15 hours and I can list in one breath what I ate.

2 pieces of chicken, salad, a tomatoes and cheese sandwich and 5 oz of steak.

That’s it.

OK, maybe there was some watermelon somewhere in there.

Fine.

Maybe it was a half a watermelon.

But regardless, thats all.

No snacks, no soda, no coffee, no ice cream.

This drug is the best.

You know what else is the best?

Ghetto chicks.

My day pales in comparison to tonight.

Woke up late, ate some stuff and had to meet the landlord in small claims court.

I lost.

The appeal is in the works.

This guy managed to purger himself twice.

Also falsify a receipt.

His ass is mine during the second round.

Then home to a wonderful dinner.

Chicken, potatoes and dessert.

Shorty bought a new product today.

Batter Blasters.

I am not being paid to write about this, but Batter Blasters is a great invention.

basically, it’s pancakes in a can.

You shake, squirt and fry.

Simply amazing that someone thought of this.

But regardless, it was time for American Idol.

Tonight was in Philly and I got homesick.

But then came an inspiration.

Temptress Browne, not Temptress Brown

This chick was built like a linebacker.

Seriously.

She was a linebacker.

A Big Fat Black Woman.

Temptress Brown , (not Temptress Brown)had a Big Fat Black Woman as a mother in a wheelchair.

It was sad.

It was inspiring.

I was like, wow Temptress Browne (not Temptress Brown) is gonna make it to Hollywood.

I sat on the edge of my seat, tissue dabbing my eye and waited for Temptress Browne (not Temptress Brown)to open her mouth.

She did.

Yet, she couldn’t sing.

It was kinda sad.

The judges gave her a group hug.

Then they walked her out.

It was at that moment that I realized, I LOVE American Idol.

Wow.

It is 5 am and I am still up.

Who knew that eating and computers would be a full time job.

Tonight I was working on APB Clothing.

I know I know.

I was supposed to be looking at Hot Jewish Girls, but believe me I did that already enough.

So, since it was the sabbath, I indulged in some chicken.

Shorty made some again.

Garlic, veggies, potatoes and believe it or not celery.

Check this out.

She lifted the skin on the chicken and inserted pealed garlic cloves in between the meat and the skin.

How amazing?

I also ate a whole pizza and two hot dogs.

Yeah, I know.

But what can I do I was hungry?

The look on the guys face from 7-11 when I ordered a dog at 8 am was priceless.

Well, I need some rest.

Tomorrow is a big day.

Football and food.

Fun!

Being a San Diego Stand-Up comedian is not easy.

You deal with a lot.

I tend to cope with the stress of getting up at the La Jolla Comedy Store by eating.

Today though, I wasn’t performing.

I had things to do.

Waking up is always the hardest part of the day.

The bed feels so nice and facing the sunshine is the last thing on my mind.

After the alarm clock went off like 8 times, I finally rolled out of bed.

On a quick side note.

The Nux Vomica definitely helped my heart burn.

I have to give that wacky doctor from Tijuana credit.

He did what no “real” doctor could do.

The only problem with Nux Vomica, (yes I like saying that word. Try it) is that you have to take it with no food residue in your mouth.

That pretty much leaves the morning.

So anyway, I take the drops, shower, you know the rest.

Get into my car and hit up 7-11 for coffee.

Only this time, I get Decaf.

I know, I know.

Decaf?

Mr. I drink 15 cups of coffee a day?

Yes.

I made the switch.

Maybe that’s why my heartburn is gone?

Nux Vomica. (there, I said it again)

I did not eat till 7pm.

Can you believe it?

Of course, bite sized candy bars do not count as food.

I may have had 3 Snickers, and a carrot cake.

Regardless, I finally ate at 7.

Criss Cut Fries.

Even then they were healthy as they were baked.

So, let’s recap.

No heartburn.

3 mini snickers.

1 2×2 inch piece of cake.

BAKED criss cut fries.

Fried rice.

Chicken.

It was such a healthy day.

I even drank crystal light.

My body truly is a temple.

A temple of Doom.

I was reading in the bathroom today.

I had a choice between Sharper Image and The Economist.

Digesting food makes me feel intellectual, so I flipped open the pages and started reading an article.

It happened to be about Israel and I kept reading.

Biased is not a word to describe this piece.

To be fair, maybe it was just the specific author who hated Israel’s right to exist?

I am not sure.

Dinner was great.

The quiet one made some chicken, soup, salad, cous cous, and potatoes.

I didn’t think I would like her chicken as it had white wine, vinegar, prunes and olives in it.

I have never knowingly eaten anything with prunes in it.

I stand by this statement.

I would never lie about eating prunes.

It never happened and if it did, whoever says so is not telling the truth.

So, I eat the prunes and I must say it was kind of good.

Apple crumble for dessert.

I was good to go.

Coffee afterwards.

Two cups.

Now I am up at 330 am.

Great choice.

Spending 4 hours at Radio Shack is not considered at date.

However, you get to know a lot about someone when you do.

I learned that I am totally ADD.

No question.

I learned that she is something special.

No doubt in my mind.

Maybe she likes dating big kids?

Who knows.

But afterwards, i got to eat a chicken.

Not quite the same without the paprika.

Still though, it was damn good.

I am dropping weight.

Not because I am trying.

But because I am not snacking.

Who knew that this could be the secret to weight loss.

No eating.

Wow.

Who would have thunk?